It’s late

it’s 12:47 am and I am still awake
laying here eating a Nanaimo bar
that I really don’t want and sipping
a decaf tea that is horrifying in itself,
looking at the tequila bottle and
wishing I had the will to drink it all
with a plastic straw
*intentional shit stirring*
tequila won’t work and I know this like I know
that I should never participate in karaoke
but I digress it’s now 12:50 am and
I am still awake but now there’s
no Nanaimo bar and I really want that tequila
but I have kiddos just outside the door and
another long day ahead marching me
ever closer to the place and time
I’d rather pretend isn’t going to
hit me like a slam to the solar plexus
or a knee to the box
keep pretending
it’s not coming
keep pretending
its not happening
how can it be so long and so short in time
that everything changed,
it shattered and
wrought me low
it killed me and I was reborn into this
this shadow of a former self
a new creature glued together by grit and good will
not to mention a lot of gum and gorilla glue
I don’t know this new person I’ve been forced to become
this new sadder quieter me that frightens me a little bit
in her reticence to share the way life,
the universe and everything in it has conspired
to deceive her and how she honestly
doesn’t know what her purpose on this
big blue rock is other than to be some
kind of cruel lesson to other humans on how
not to live, or love, how not to human at all

©MelanieMcCurdie2019

#ThisIsWhatGriefLooksLike

Coming soon to Amazon in eBook and paperback
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