Breaking Silence

What’s this … I changed?

And what exactly do you know about change?
This from someone who is still so tied to apron strings
That you play frog to the command to jump every single time
And from someone who has no right to ask you to do anything

Oh sure, make everyone and anyone responsible
When you can offer nothing more than criticism
Sabotaging any situation to make you look better
When you can’t even look yourself in the mirror

What’s more, when you get kicked in the face
Thrown to the wolves or under a bus
You beg for more instead of using the backbone
Or the brain Goddess gave you

But I changed…

I begged you to make efforts
To change for the sake of the many
But all I ever got were the same
Bullshit excuses and platitudes
Laced with passive aggressive poison and
A tonne of empty promises

All I heard from your mouth
Were reasons why not
Never, ever did I hear the why you could
Talk about throwing someone under the bus,
I had more of my fair share there too…

But I changed….

I didn’t know that word was in your vocabulary
I hardly take the opinion into account of someone who
Plays the blame game so well that it has become

The only truth you know
To what end should I listen to the skewed thoughts
From someone who has yet to accept
Their screws ups and own them,
Instead of deferring what you can’t accept as fault

I guess it’s easier to make me the bad guy
Than to accept your own failures
Because it’s easier to make someone else culpable
To place the anywhere but on your own shoulders

But I changed…

Maybe I did become more confident
And healthier, at first, until you tried to take that too
Perhaps, I didn’t change but was less likely to listen
To the constant assertions that I was wrong

I wasn’t the one lying while feeding monsters
Who ate money and spit out demands
I waited for you to snap out of your delusions of life
And wake the fuck up but that never happened did it.

So hey,  if I’m the one who changed so be it.
At least I could make those efforts.
What’s your excuse?

©MelanieMcCurdie2018

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