Too much.
You are too much.

You’re a mother now;
you can’t act that way.

Can’t you tone it down?
Act your age please

Be an adult!

Gods woman,
You are just too much –

Too much of what?
Too much of a human who loves life?
Too real and raw for people to deal?

I’m too much emotion?
Too much rage?

Too much innocence
Shown for my age?

Too tall? too skinny?
Too blonde to have brain?
Too quiet and too loud?
How exactly am I too much?

The words leave marks
like bloodstains on my heart
And lights the fire of my temper

Allow me to address and refresh:

I. Am. Not. Too. Much.

If I am too much for you, darling,
Then trust me, you are not enough of anything
To be able to handle me

I AM too much of everything
that is very true

Too much for the weaker amongst us
To deal with, and that’s a delight

Act my age?
I’ve never been this age before
Maybe I am

Maybe we aren’t meant to count years
But collect experiences like Treasure
And I am not what I seem, not now
I am much, much more.

Before I was too fat to have worth…

“If you lost some weight
You would be so pretty,” some said

“If you lost weight you’d be happier.”

“If you lost weight you wouldn’t be so lonely or feel alone.”

But being alone isn’t always being solitary
And happiness is not revolving around weight

It’s lonely in a house full of people
With no one to talk to

And crying yourself to sleep where no one can hear

It’s wandering though days wondering why
While contemplating your existence
And sometimes praying that when you sleep
You do not wake into the hell you must live in

Sometimes, it’s a necessity
To be alone
But not when it forced upon you
Because of somebody else’s issues

No one should be lonely in a crowd
No one should suffer hating themselves
Because of other people’s opinions

And no one should ever
be made to feel
that they are too much

©MelanieMcCurdie2017

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