Why don’t I believe in God?

That, my friend, is a loaded question and

the bullets are defined and honed to offend,

no matter what my response

 

But since you asked, and remember,

this is my opinion, not yours –

I think the fundamental lessons that we learn from birth,

that unbidden and undefined trust in some omnipotent adult

who sits watching while we are taught to pray for forgiveness.

Pray for sins that have yet to be committed, is less than logical to me.

 

That we should kneel to beg or plead for saving, assistance, help,

whatever you want to call it, also makes no sense to me.

 

This so-called God does little more than sit up there or down there,

depending on your affiliation,

watching those He claims to love suffer and struggle as what, an object lesson?

 

I prayed.

I was a faithful Daughter and I prayed, as I was taught to do.

I prayed for strength and for help and for someone, anyone,

to notice that I was dying inside.

 

When actual words didn’t help, spoken to actual, physical people around me,

I prayed, having lost my faith, I prayed for anything that would change

the darker realities of life into light.

 

So why don’t I believe?

Because, ultimately, that trust is always going to be violated and

the reality is much worse than you imagined,

unless you learn to save yourself.

 

©MelanieMcCurdie2017

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