Splintered Petals

She sits quietly
Staring at her hands
Lost in thought
Her fingers writhe like snakes
Entangled and ensnared
Caught in her lap
Caught in her eye

She sits quietly
Staring at her hands
Her thoughts writhe like snakes
Entangled, ensnared
Caught in the word-trap
Caught in her sighs

She sits quietly
Staring at her hands
Her heart writhes like snakes
Entangled, ensnared
Choking on the words
The ones caught in her eyes

She sits quietly
Staring at her hands
The thoughts, words unspoken
Cannot be articulated, enunciated
Fear holds her captive
The madness is taking hold

She sits quietly
Staring at her hands
Lost in thought
She speaks in silences
Not a word she will speak
Since I cut out her tongue

©MelanieMcCurdie2017

Lullaby

She falls asleep to the sounds of gunfire
In the arms of chilly concrete
Alone in the ruins of a normal life
A four-year old Ancient weeps
She knows no life different
But dreams of so much more
A home, a warm meal, a family
In her sleep the angel smiles
The lives we live are so easy
Our struggle is heavenly to those with nothing
Yet we complain over small insignificant things
It’s time to wake up and smell the reality
Open your eyes and see
Those who feel you have nothing
Look closer and you’ll see
Reach  inside and find your humanity
It’s your lullaby
Lullaby, baby goodnight

She lays in bed struggling to breathe

Late at night she sits awake wondering
Worrying about the fate of her family
How they will go on when she’s gone
Misery loves company yet she’s alone
Unable to fight it she searches for peace
In cutting her skin she can see the light
With relief the angel smiles
Our lives are seem easy
The grass isn’t always greener
Struggle is agony to those in despair
It’s time to wake up and smell the reality
Open your eyes and you’ll see
Those who feel you have nothing
Look closer and you’ll see
Reach  inside and find your humanity
Lullaby, baby goodnight
It’s your lullaby
Baby Good Night
©MelanieMcCurdie2017
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Coming Soon to eBook and in paperback
Coming Soon to eBook and in paperback
Get your copy of The Hurt Chamber by Foggy McCorrigan
Get your copy of The Hurt Chamber by Foggy McCorrigan
Twisted Tales by Patti Beeton is available now
Twisted Tales by Patti Beeton is available now

Misery loves Company – A Love Story

I first saw her reflection in the shop window of that absurd little doll store.
The one on 5th and Main?

Tragically gorgeous in that B Movie kind of way,
I couldn’t take my eyes from her curves and edges.
The porcelain perfection of her complexion and those lips.
full and pouty – red in that almost garish porn star way.
But on her it was fresh cherries from the tree and
I was willing to bet that they tasted as good

And there I stood,
stunned into silence with my cock at full mast and
holding a half-naked children’s toy in my hand.
It felt like I was smiling but likely I was leering
and be goddamned if she didn’t return my lustful stare,
flicking her tongue out like some living thing
to taste the right of the lollipop she’d been playing with
before pushing it slowly between her wet looking lips.
She never dropped her eyes once.

I thought I had died, just then when she smiled at me and
called me forward with one black tipped finger.
And I came, then went to her with burning cheeks and
the front of my jeans beginning to show a dark spot.
I wanted to run but she put her hand over it
and put her mouth on mine.
I was sure I was in Hell but man it felt like Heaven.

When the shopkeeper cleared his throat,
she stopped licking my teeth to look at him,
with her hand squeezing my tortured dick.
Heaven.

She nodded and released me, whispering in my ear,
“come see me if you want company.”
Hell.

The man snickered and finally guffawed before
staring me soberly in the eyes and shaking his head.
“Take an old man’s advice,” he said,
lighting his match with a worn fingernail and holding it to his home rolled cigarette.
“She loves company. Don’t be her next conquest.”
I handed him the doll I’d ceased fondling
while embarrassingly thanking him for his sage advice and his time.
Turning to leave, I saw the most amazing thing in a small room off to the side.

Full sized dolls, dressed in 50’s clothing and
so realistic I laughed in spite of myself.
The shopkeeper chortled grimly, “remember what I said.”

I didn’t listen, of course.
I followed her home in my old green pickup
and watched her struggle with her playthings,
cursing and spitting vile and deviant admonishment.

It shocked me, intrigued me
so I jumped out of my truck and ran to her rescue
like some brain-dead Lancelot.
She smiled and kissed me full on my mouth and
pressed her firm breasts to my chest.
But all the while, I could hear the shopkeeper’s raspy words in my ears.

I wondered about how much company she kept.
I wondered what her name was.
I wondered how the old man knew.
All this as I stepped through her front door
That was forever ago, just before I discovered that I loved her.
My Captor, my Daemon. My wife.
And my questions were eventually answered in
far more detail than I care to remember.

Mustn’t frown!
She wants smiling happy people.

My father-in-law, you have already met, albeit briefly.
You really don’t want to make his acquaintance or hers,
because it’s like Pops, the Shopkeeper says, my wife,
Misery?

She loves company.

©MelanieMcCurdie2017

Vacant Rose

It’s easier in the dark.
Alone doesn’t feel quite so isolating
wet cheeks go unnoticed
Somehow, the bleakness seems a comfort
Not unlike a pair of warm arms.

She doesn’t know I’m watching
Lost in her rain cloud
I’m positive that she’d prefer an embrace
To the cold silence

There she sits
Cross-legged, nude,
Tragic beauty she cries, face in a pillow
The mirror covered in linen
I know she is wishing for the strength
For the courage set right the horror show
That she sees in the mirror reflection

But, much like me, she’s a coward
A loser done up on codeine and weed
Practically paralysed, poor thing
And all in an effort to achieve peace
Much like me, she’s achieving nothing close to it.
These are the nights I can’t help but hate
Because what other choice is there
I can hardly barge in, now can I?
Invading her misery by pulling her close
I want to take it away, if she’d let me
If I could,

Instead I watch her turn it inward
It’s a simpler method to live with
Mechanisms to emancipation
I write the steps to her freedom

It’s all about weights and measures
The balance is off
The telemetry is fucked
Knowing so doesn’t calm a racing heart
Or stop the tearing desire to howl

Soon, so soon, Impatience cries
I’m sick of waking each day
Gasping because I’m dying of suffocation
It all comes from bottling
The anticipation is agony

She rises, long and lean
Her lips rippling as she chants the same ugly litany
Telling herself;
It’s stupid to be in fear of nothing
idiotic to be afraid of long dead monsters
What are you, 12?
Trembling with like a child
No desire in the dark
Are you so desperate to be swept away?
Just take the pills and shut up

Pacing, bare flesh flashing
Her hair flies static
Staring out at the street below
Tonight its defenestration she battles

I know how she thinks
i know all this as well as I know my own heart
The idea of that beautiful body
Splattered like red velvet vomit
Horrified and aroused

Blood spilled spells oxygen.
The weight of biology is lifted
Swiftly slipping to press against the glass
She stares, pondering and
My temperature burns hotter
The daemon salivates,
Its venom fills my mouth
Such a glorious gluteus maximus
It calls my palms with a sirens wail
So long she’s teased me
Pleading for release from her glass tower
Tonight her prayers are answered
Blood is life.

I’m so tired of bleeding.
Now it’s her turn

©MelanieMcCurdie2017

a horrified shadow

If you have never felt hunger

a desperation so deep in your gut

that it gnaws at your bones and

it speaks in vernacular tongues

whispering to your pain addled brain

in the devil’s voice it denies,

tries to convince your starving stomach

that it doesn’t need that sustenance

then you have no right to tell me to be patient.  

 

It is devastating, to stand in the

refrigerator light sobbing,

in the open door of a food filled fridge and

know that there is not a damned thing in it

that you can ingest or imbibe

and there is nothing you can use

to fill that emptiness inside.

 

That experience

is enough

to destroy

anyone’s

mental wellbeing 

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©MelanieMcCurdie2017

Coming Soon to eBook and in paperback
Coming Soon to eBook and in paperback
Get your copy of The Hurt Chamber by Foggy McCorrigan
Get your copy of The Hurt Chamber by Foggy McCorrigan
Twisted Tales by Patti Beeton is available now
Twisted Tales by Patti Beeton is available now

dangerous liasons and cutthroat city

What am I thinking? You don’t want to know.

No, You don’t. Believe me, as a prisoned resident, I know from personal experience that It’s dangerous liasons and cutthroat city in there. It’s certainly no place for a tenderfoot such as yourself.

Huh. So you say, with that devilish grin and a flinty glint in those eyes and sure, I could crumble, but I won’t. Not yet, maybe. 

Come aboard, if you dare, should you care, and abandon your bravado at the door. I like it when my suitors scream …

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©MelanieMcCurdie2017

tItHe AnD tImE

I was a good and faithful daughter.

I paid my tithe and I paid my time
and I paid my dues
I payed for my sins and
prayed for my soul
prayed for forgiveness
for sins I hadn’t committed yet
All because my ancestors
grandparents, my parents, did
because a man in a robe told me I should
I must, he said –
You must
Now your head and pray for forgiveness
Pray for your sins to be washed away
Pray for your eternal reward

Pray?
Pray to what?
To whom?
Pray to a God that professed
His Love
His devotion in return for mine
For His Forgiveness
But stood idly watching
Floated by on His Heavenly Perch
Waiting while I suffered
Like some Silent Stalkery Saviour
While I pled and pleaded

God,
Our Father.
My Father
Help me be a better person
Help him not be angry anymore
I don’t understand what I’m doing wrong
I know I deserve it but I don’t know why

Save Me
Please don’t forsake me
God Please Make It Stop
I’ll pray harder
I’ll Do Better
I’ll do anything
God, please

The mindless begging
Became a realisation that
I am and was my own God
My own Saviour

I Saved Me.
No one else did


©MelanieMcCurdie2017

Fair Warning

i’m not what i appear
i wish that i were able to be
strong or confident or assured of myself
truth is that in intimate gatherings
in smaller spaces and darker places
the likelihood of a typical initial response
is relatively high due to social programming
however, the effort expended to maintain in this manner
is slim to nil, or less
Fair Warning –  once you are in my eyes

i will never let you out of my sight

©MelanieMcCurdie

Snarktastically, speaking

Tomorrow is cutting day. Yup! I’m going under the knife!

Admittedly, I’m a dight nervous about some legalised lunatic armed with nasty ass tools and enough meds to knock Godzilla into the next dimension being anywhere near my nearly perfect physique.  That was snarkasm, by  the way,   There’s nothing perfect about this physique and I’m good with that thanks.

I’m just kidding. My doctor, she is very sweet and actually quite gentle, but the fact remains. Nasty tool = not enough medicinal tequila in the world…. It is my intent to distract myself with a variance of artistic pursuits and filmatic offerings in an effort to keep myself distracted from said fact.

 I will be out of commission for a short period of time, and as insulting as it is for my family to be giving praise to the Almighty for the gift,  they have a point.  A girl needs her beauty sleep and blah blah recovery blah blah blood sounds cool blah blah blah

You feel me?

So,  beginning today, if you should need my attentions,  and you really don’t want my full attention,  the usual methods will suffice. I do intend to be playing my music at brain shattering levels  when I am not sleeping or writing and this will necessitate some creative attention-getting skills.

I’ll just leave that with you…

Melanie McCurdie