This morning I did something I have never done before –
while the children were bickering
and the telephone was ringing
and the television blaring –
I snuck off to the powder room
and quietly closed the door
and then I slid down to the floor
then with my elbows on my knees
and my heart in my hands.
I cried on the floor  facing the throne
I cried like a baby as silently as possible
so as not to be overheard.
Felt that my heart was breaking…
there are so many reasons
that it’s difficult to pinpoint one.
but I think it’s mostly that
I’ve spent my life trying to be
everything and enough,
the one with a voice.
And I’ve discovered that
I have no voice to speak of.

It’s a hard row to hoe



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