In my daylight hours I am known as Governess. The monster that lives inside me in her cage, quietly awaiting her time to run amok. She comes out less and less now, left apathetic, but still vicious the core. Should she gain her freedom, many would suffer a most heinous death, for she holds no perspective in her soul, all are prey, in varying degrees. She saves her best, holding her passion and rage, using her brutal nature to torture the one whose words offer the glut of blood she requires for survival. She craves sustenance, rattles in her cage, my thoughts stirring the hunger in her belly. She wishes to feed, her voice the soft sigh of a last breath….”Governess…Let me out”
No, I can’t let her out. She must remain tongueless and imprisoned, for the sake of all around me.. She elucidates her pleasure and her fury the same way, perpetrating her desire to spend her love with the deadly kiss of Scythe, a line in the flesh depicting one or the other. Should you find yourself at the point of the Beautiful Blade, you will surely know which end of the spectrum you have seduced.
Now, as the shadows invade the landscape that surround me, the light bleeding away from the wound night has inflicted, I stand at the window, deep in contemplation. The sky is alive with colour, garish as Mother Nature Desires, and we give thanks, as we watch the curtain of velvet descend on our small worlds. My Monster has fallen silent, giving my mind space to stretch and think, to dream up new ways to feed the One who first saw her lingering beneath my bonecover.
If not for the One, I never would have found my bliss, my therapy. I would have chosen to remain voiceless. I should have remained voiceless, never drawn her from the Hole in which she resides and given her a weapon in which to destroy with, for all the joy it brings surely is not sanguine nor civilized. Yet I crave the slay, dream of it. Lightness is a matter of perspective. For me, the Darkness in the Light is my utopia, my perfection. The One saw this, recognised the seed in me and fed it encouragement, made it grow. Made it grow teeth and claws, gave it a voice, and a place to roar from. Pulled me from my shadows, where it was warm and safe, and handed me the key to the cage. It might as well have been keys to the kingdom.
Yesterday I was afforded another gift, in the words of my Sisters, who chose to show me and the world how much they care. It broke me, shattered the veneer that I applied to keep the blackness at bay, and my heart wept from my eyes. All these treasures placed before me have shown me a glimpse of what I can’t see in myself, suddenly, by the light of technology, all appeared different. A new way to see the world was opened to me, and no words, nothing I have, can repay that gift.
Today, as I sit with my fingers dancing on the keyboard, my thoughts are scattered. They fight for their lives in a castle, they are firmly in the clutches of brutality, they are sentimentally carving a poem in blood, and they are running amok with my loved ones, cooking up all manner of Hell. They rest with the ones that mean much to me. And I am happy. In my own world, where all are shadows, I am safe to let her loose, to reap, to devour, to hunt, to spill my heart onto the page.
I thank you Keeper. From my heart to yours. Now run….Prey….I’m coming to find you…. ❤
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