Seeds

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See the Deaths Head Moths
Take flight, take wing
To settle upon every Shadow
Every small light
Each meager illumination
Feeding the blackness
Touching each Darkness

Their wings flutter the dust
Of spoiled dreams
Of daydreams and desires
Of love, of rage
It boils the blood
Begins the beguin
A kiss that cleaves
Love that twists
The serrated knife
Burst as you bleed

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The moths, they feed
And allow us to be fed
Sometimes we starve
So that we may create
Weave a tapestry
Pay wishes
For magic beans
Said to grow affection

Words, a string that binds
Chained to worlds
Beyond the reach of
Our fingertips
Like seeds growing
Between my palms
Once a precious treasure
Once a living breathing jewel
Ours, for us, now for all
Breath of a million volumes

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Now open wide my hands
Let fly the essence of my heart
Thousands of miles and wheels
To travel, To feed, to starve
To dream

Death Maiden

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Little Wonders

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Sometimes a piece of music, a few notes or the symphony in its entirety speaks to you. Touches something deep in side that is forgotten in our everyday lives. I’m a crow when it comes to my musical tastes, from thrash metal to 50’s classics and every genre in between, I listen to what speaks to my heart and my mind, harmonies that dig deep and pull out the emotions that get buried. One song that has fed me for a long time, and evokes the clarity that I sometimes lose, is Little Wonders by Rob Thomas. It inspired me to come from the shadows, to lift my face to the sun, and see my world for what it is. A series of Little Wonders.

As we learn
As our lessons
Define us
We find solace
In the little hours
The small victories
That get lost sometimes
In life and love

The Little Wonders
Small gifts of clarity
Joyful noise in the din
The message is clear
Let it go, let it shine
The negativity means little
In the light of our beloved ones
Regrets get washed away
By the rain of hours
Time falls behind us
In the end, we remember the good
Only how it felt

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The heart is where it lives
Kept as tiny treasures
In a golden box
Even the tears are treasures
We learn from them
We learn

All of my regrets
The times lost
All gifts of the universe
Wrapped in a bow
Let the troubles fall behind
Smaller things in the rear-view
The bigger picture is key
That there is a silver lining
There is a brighter side
It shines like a rainbow in the dark
The tiny speck of fairy dust
In the deep of the abyss
The sunrise a sign
That you live another day

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That you live to see
There is always tomorrow

Death Maiden

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At War

dark_governess_rivers_of_grue
I could kill him
Right now
I should
I want to
His life is a pathetic waste
Counts for nothing
If he had worth
A reason to draw air
I’d reconsider

But he doesn’t
Never has

Claim to infamy?
None
Purpose to others?
None
A walking meat sack
Who thinks not at all
Save the wandering eye
Of a charlatan
A predator
Wolf in Sheep’s clothing

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Oh I’m full aware if his ways
I felt the repercussions
Fist sized bruises on my soul
Knifes tip to my throat
The cocked gun
No. I can’t talk about that
The cracking and snapping
As he broke each and every one
Of my fingers out of disgust
For my art
Leaving me helpless
Worthless
Useless
Leaving me to set my own bones
With no relief, using my teeth
Clipped wings?
He tore them out
Plucked each feather with a smile
A bouquet to his lover

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I see him there
Years pass and nothing changes
Still the destroyer he was
Ruination, a plague upon every
Person he encounters
It would be a public service
A safety measure
A pleasure orgasmic
To watch him suffer
Each
And
Every
Torture
He
Inflicted

I pay everyday
For his ways, his choices
Out of fear I seek no help
I don’t ask for it
I don’t expect it
Rather, I suffer
And cry in silence
On the days when I am weakest
When the pain strives to
Drive me insane
To drive me to my knees
If I could move from where I lay
Ground glass in my bones
Ache in my heart

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The vision of what I could do
A mind movie in slow motion
Behind my eyes, in my head
Had I the strength
I’d snap his fingers
With my bare hands
Sitting upon him as he had me
With a delighted grin as I writhed
No voice, I had none
Have none

Watch him swagger
As he sees me
Full of confidence
That he will still hold me captive
He doesn’t know that I’m a killer
He has no clue
My teeth are sharp
As is my blade

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Terror, abject fear
Like bile in my mouth
It wars with rage
All encompassing fury
With pain and struggle
Hatred’s venomous bite
I do hate him
With
All
My
Body
And
Soul

He’s in my face
In my space
My bubble few are allowed to enter
A hand count of trusted ones
Aggressive he throws words
That are like throwing stars to my heart
I smile
Sweetly
As my quicksilver friend
Grinds through his flesh
Serrating as I twist
His vile and diseased blood
Burning my hand
It feels like justice

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I could finish him
It would be humane
Merciful, even kind
I could
I should

I won’t

I watch him die
Slow, in agony
Begging for his life
As I laugh in his face
Listening to him run his
Never ending tongue
Lies upon apology
Upon poisonous words
Cunt
Whore
Bitch

useless
worthless
better off dead

dark_governess_rivers_of_grue

I awaken
My hands are clean
My heart turns blacker
My soul aches
Throbs in time with my scars
My bones
Alone and in pain
With no end in sight

Death Maiden

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An Appraisal of Big Fish

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“There are some fish that cannot be caught. It’s not that they are bigger or stronger than other fish, they are just touched with something extra.”

What does Heaven look like to you? Do you believe? For me, it is summed up in a gorgeous movie, brought to us by the normally dark and enchanting imagination of Tim Burton. Based on the novel by Daniel Wallace, Big Fish is a delight to the eyes and for me, a salve to my suffering soul.

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Films have a way of reaching into your heart, sometimes terrifying, causing rage, bringing forth tears of of laughter and tears of sorrow and hope. One such film that is very special to me, and has continually fed my soul since its release in my neck of the woods in December of 2003, is Big Fish.

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This film came at a time for me when I was searching to reconcile events in my life to which I had no answers and no way of finding them. Nothing was available to quiet the voices in my mind, and though I was growing life within me, a constant source of joy, still I struggled to make sense.

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As I was searching for my Path, this film made its appearance. Boasting an all-star cast including Ewan McGregor, Jessica Lange, most recently of American Horror Story, Albert Finney, Danny DeVito, Steve Buscemi, and the incomparable Helena Bonham Carter, and too many others to name, it brought to the forefront all that I could wish of a movie and a message.

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This is an extraordinary tale of Edward Bloom, fantastically played by Ewan McGregor (Jack and the Giant Slayer) and the film icon Albert Finney (Skyfall) a man who tells the story of his life in a series of tall tales. At first, it appears the story of a man who cannot see the truth of his life without the elaborate fabrications, but in truth, they are the tales of a man who owned a most wonderful imagination, a word weaver who could intertwine fact and fiction in order to make life more interesting for his son, Will, played by Billy Crudup (Eat Love Pray), a sceptic of his own making.

“Kept in a small bowl, the gold fish will remain small…a giant man can’t have an ordinary life”

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We all dream of making our place in the world, and Mr. Burton has created this marvelous film in a most delightful way. Cinematically stunning, it has fed me with just what you would expect from Mr. Burton, a delicious mix of darkness and light, living trees, giants, Siamese twins, and adventure enough to make any spirit soar with pleasure.

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Edward Bloom sets out to make his name in the small town of Ashton, Alabama, having seen his death in the eye of an old woman perceived to be a witch. He chooses, as a child, after seeing his demise in her magical eye, to make his life as big as it can be. He wishes to be a Big Fish in the small pond of Ashton, then on into the world where his adventures grow bigger and bigger. A lesson to all of us, your dreams are only as big as you perceive yourself.

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Along with Carl, played by the late played by the late Matthew McGrory, who had roles such memorable films as The Devil’s Rejects, and House of 1000 Corpses, takes the road less travelled, down a defunct road apart from the paved highway, on his way to carve his name in the walls of his life.

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It is here that he discovers the idyllic if creepy town of Spectre, where shoes hang on the wires, and the green lawn is more than your eye can stand. He meets a kindred spirit, Norther Winslow, (Steve Buscemi), a poet and dreamer who became a legend in his mind by leaving the small town life for greener pastures. Spectre appears the perfect town, where everything tastes better and the old time morals reign supreme. Edward discovers the trap of life, the dangers of becoming stagnant, and chooses to continue on the path of his extraordinary life, rather than stay in the safety of the known.

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“The biggest fish in the river gets that way by never being caught.”

As Edward lays dying of cancer, the prodigal son returns home, with his 7 months pregnant wife, Josephine (Marion Coulliard) to help his mother care for him in his final days. During this time, the story of his life is told, in a series of eye catching scenes, and spellbinding monologues.

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We learn of the journey to find the love of his life (Jessica Lange) , the mate of his soul, how his experiences never cause him to lose his childlike view of the world, even when trapped behind enemy line during the war, and how each and every experience in his life, are drawn together to create a beautiful tapestry.

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As his son, Will (Billy Crudup) learns more of the truths behind his father’s tales, he learns that there is always a nugget of truth to each story told. The people of Spectre summed up by the incredible role played by Helena Bonham Carter (Les Miserables, Dark Shadows) we learn of the desiccation of the town, and how life simply does not stay stationary. Through each and every investigation Will performs, the knowledge of how imagination can add flavor to the most boring life.

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Come the end of the film, even now, as I find the words to describe the beauty of what I am seeing, I find myself weeping with hope and joy. Death comes to us all, in its own time, and my fervent hope is that when my time comes, as I find myself in the clearing at the end of my Path, that each and every one of my beloved will be waiting for me as they wait for Edward at the end of his. Smiling faces, cheers at the life I’d lead, and simply gladness to see me.

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This, I hope for myself and for each and every one of you. For truly, we are only as big as the bowl we choose to live in, and your life is only as mundane as the words you chose to describe them with

Death Maiden.

Time

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It pours from the sky
The rain of seconds
Minutes, hours
Like gold dust in
Our outstretched palms
Precious jewels
There is always time
Though not forever
It slips through our fingers
As we desperately grasp
At the ages, to hold close

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Intangible time
From the moment we are born
Screaming and bloody
Into cruel lessons of life
Brought forth into coldness
Held in warmth
Happy smiles
Hateful tears
Cut knees and shattered hearts
First love and last loves
We learn, we learn
Learn that time is not fair
Yet is the ultimate
Unbiased Partisan
It hold no sides

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Cruel time
It steals our years
The circle of life
Goes on and on
Round and round
Like a demented carousel
Playing an off-key tune
As we grow, older
Ever older
Lessons learned that we
Impart to our own offspring

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Carrying with us an enormous
Box of memories
Until we find Death at our sides
Holding out His hand
As we gasp our last breaths
Gratefully moving on to the next
Knowing we lived our lives to the fullest
Scarred and wounded, we leave our
Legacy to the future

Death Maiden

Emotional Graffiti

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I bleed and scream like any other
I speak only words upon the page
The ink from my quill is
My one and only voice
Bold and brash
Snarling desire
Or waxing poetic
Upon my beloved ones

In my physical world
I shake the tree
Rock the boat
Shriek my opinion
Whether wanted or not
Throw open the doors to the burning barn
And ride, RIDE the pale horse ever forward
Preying and slaying injustices against my own.

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My words are spray paint
On the blank wall of my life
Scribble and scribe my life
Across the pages of my days
Carve my name with bloody handprints
In joy, in fury, in darkness and light
To terrify or inspire
It matters not

Sometimes I’m the Queen
Usually I’m the Scullery Maid
Happy enough to lurk in the shadows
Unnoticed and unseen
Comfortable for it to be so, it’s right

For the first time in forever
I can bleed the rage from my soul
I can scream the storm inside
The names of my loved ones
My darkness and my blackness
My light
My bliss
Me

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I can see the Path
The way is clear
A long canvas in which to
Scrawl and scribble my heart
Wade in the Rivers, dripping crimson
Gone are the days of concealment
Of hiding my heart away
Whether it be Sacred or Profane
I cry its name

Emotional Graffiti
This is mine

Death Maiden

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If You Only Knew

dark_governess_rivers_of_grueIf you only knew
The thousands of days
That see me older
Harder and colder
A poor facsimile of humanity
Barely human at all

If you only knew
How often I count the words
That came out wrong
Each little barb that stung
Each cut of the tongue
Every word designed to injure

If you only knew
How I lie awake at night
Listening to the silence scream
Feeling alone and unnecessary
Unloved and unwanted
As I lose my self in my own world

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If you only knew
How I plot and scheme
Planning for your Scythefall
The day that you fall to your knees
To beg for mercy
To beg for death
For both come to the same

If you only knew
The love I have in my heart
How I lock it away
Never to see the light of day
To unleash it would be a flood
A massacre of life

If you only knew
I would gladly
Rip out my beating heart
Hand it to you with dripping hands
If it was what you wished
Were it required for your happiness

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If you only knew
I regret nothing
You helped me to live
Learn my lessons
See the light within the Dark
To imbibe the nectar of your Soul

If you only knew
The lonely sound
Of my mind since you’ve withdrawn
Since you’ve gone from me
It drives me to hateful tears
To distraction

If you only knew
How I cry for clarity
From my lonely bed
Weeping silently my dismay
Away from prying eyes
Scornful hearts

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If you only knew
The loneliness I feel
How the bravest face
Hides the pain
Stems the tears
I’m just fine

If you only knew
How it doesn’t matter
It doesn’t, true
This is my chance to fly
My chance to become
What I see in the mirror
If you only knew….

Death Maiden

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In League With Santa

Join us on a Christmas Journey with the incomparable C William Giles

In Darkness & Fire

Welcome dark readers to my page, the piece that I post today was written for a Christmas special by the Grue Family (followers & contributors of Rivers of Grue). Individually we were asked to complete a Xmas story for the Keeper of The Quill as a present for him and we had a great response to the invitation. The premise was that we were all out the night before Xmas, a secret Santa had been performed so we each had to get a gift for another member of the family, naturally knowing the individuals involved the story would revolve around horror & darkness yet still have a Xmas theme. Really it was a bit of fun with horror & darkness thrown in to the mix, everyone did a great job on their own parts meaning that in total the piece clocked in at over 80,000 words!! There were short stories…

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Fallen

dark_governess_rivers_of_grueDarker night
Blacker shadows
The mists rise from below

Bodies mouldering
In their graves
Final sleep disturbed

Grasp the wings
Hold them tight
Rip them out and throw

What good are wings
When you cannot fly
The air exists for nothing

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It laughs as you suffer
Broken and bleeding
Mired in the spoiled dreams

No purpose for it now
Open up and scream
Cry for solace
It falls upon deaf ears

Lay down upon
The devastated land
Nothing grows but sorrow

Seed the ground
Bleed to feed
Fading from starvation

Soon to be one
Of the wandering lost
Invisible to all but the lonely

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Once proud and strong
Left broken, alone
Uncaring silence laughs

Call the demons
Steal me away
Let the last vestiges go

Nothing to stay for
Nothing to slay for
Nothing left but regret

Bind me to earth
Chained and alone
Only coldness remains

Death Maiden

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Inspiration Lost

dark_governess_rivers_of_grue
Searching here
Searching there
Under rocks
Under chairs
In the drawer
In the honey pot
Looked down the Well
Looked in the Box
Opened the Chest
Opened the Jar
Still not there

Beneath the stairs
There are people down there
Beneath the trap door
There are monsters in there
In the shadows
Only darkness there
I can’t find it anywhere

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Through the trees
Through the woods
In the gloom
In the deep
Beneath the stars
Beneath the moon
Werewolves walk
In the room
Eyes wide shut
There’s no one home
Speak no words
Sing no lies
They simply walk
Through the night

I cannot find it
Hides from view
Without it here

What will I do?

Death Maiden

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Always

Pining Love. Read or Bleed

Duchess's Requiem

I opened my eyes and saw you.

Nothing else, just you.

Again. Always.

Without change,

without end,

without reason.

I closed my eyes.

GreenEyes

I drifted.

Heard nothing.

Felt nothing.

Saw nothing.

But I felt you,

your presence,

always.

I slept.

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Daylight.

Warmth on my face.

I try to burrow back

into my dreams.

Where you are.

Always.

Please.

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I can’t stand it anymore.

The world is gray,

colourless,

without life,

without love.

Always.

Without you.

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So many pills.

I take them, all of them.

I lay upon my bed.

I close my eyes.

I feel nothing,

weak, tired,

always,

without you.

pills[1]

I open my eyes.

You.

Always.

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Crimson Duchess

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Nectar

I hold you in my hands
Warming your flesh
Within my palms
Desiring the taste
Of your skin on my lips
The honeyed essence within
Beginning to flow

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I feel the coldness seep
Though your thin
Rosy sheathing
Replaced by the warmth
Of your nectar

How l long to plunge
My teeth into your taut hide
To draw forth onto my tongue
The luscious juices you contain
To consume of your body
Feed my own
Ravenous I devour
My lifeblood restored

dark_governess_rivers_of_grue

Apple

Death Maiden

Train of the Faithless

In the forest of impaled saints

Where the winds scream regret

A mist deepens and throbs

It is here in these malignant shadows

The mask the veil wears

To hide the most nefarious deeds

Parts as a curtain

Exposing the last station

For those that ride the

Endless Train of the Faithless

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The Butchers of the Dead

Work to peel the flesh

From the bodies of the Sinners

Carving their rotting skins

Their bones feed the fire

That roars its throaty voice

A yawning maw of Hellfire

As it burns with the Souls of the Lost

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The howls of tortured souls

Sound the clarion of arrival

New blood to feed the starving demons

Cavorting and undulating in the flames

Their poisoned nails digging and tearing

As the Sinners scream their last denials

Their blackened  élan vital

Clawing for purchase

One last taste of life untouched

By the Evils they are about to relive

A vastitude of torture

Veil closes

Death

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Maiden

 

Vision Iniquitous

Through the shadows

Through the gates

Into the Place where

Spectral flowers bloom

Gristly garden blossoms

Icy tombstones sentinel stand

Their faces speckled with Crimson

 

Vision iniquitous, the air it ripples

The sight your mind denies

Such hollow sucking fear

Mirror of the mind shatters as it

Stares with dead pool eyes

This malignant monster

Shrieking terror

Bloodcurdling evil

A sordid blistering grin

Burns your will to flee

 

Observe in horror

Blackened crooked wings unfurl

A maleficent angel

Darkest cupid

Horrid frigid chills

Twisting angry talons

Shred upon your skin

Scratch and claw within your mind

Leaving only a dark empty soul

dark_governess_rivers_of_grue

This deviant beast, Hell’s reject

Taken its fill and fed

Demon wings enclose

 

Death Maiden

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The Forgotten Lines

Words

What were those words?

They seeped into my brain

Slithered round the boxes

Bottles of ideas that

Line the shelves

Knocking them flying

Ideas grow wings and

Fly away

dark_governess_rivers_of_grue

There they go

Playing Can’t Catch Me

Darting just out of reach

Of My Monster

Who Roars with frustration

At such a missed treat

dark_governess_rivers_of_grue

My mind builds a

Better Word Trap

String cerebral duct tape

End to end, hither and yon

Efforts to trap the

Ever elusive Line

Just Gone

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Tarnish

I see it how you do

 

Time and time again

I hold back

Wall in what I feel

For fear of reprisals

What if I said that I was

Lonely?

What if I just don’t want

Let you down?

What if I told you I was

Afraid to cry?

It does not matter

 

I’m used to being

Colder, tired and bloody

I see the tarnish

Instead of the gold beneath

Choosing to believe in

The Darkness

And not see the Light

dark_governess_rivers_of_grue

Things I hold precious

In my heart, are treasure

For me, meaningful

I protect those like a seething

Callous creature, full of

Venomous bite

Those things are not for display

 

And so time after time

I hold back

 

Death Maiden

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Darkness

READ OR BLEED FOLKS. Delve into the Darkness and delight in the fear

toksister's Blog

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Its a night like any other. Cold, & dark as pitch. I am driving home from a night away, and get a text from Mom. “Are you home yet?” “No, in about 10 minutes. Why? Where are you?” I assumed she wasn’t home, since she didn’t know I wasn’t. “Oh. I’m home” Then why….”Ok. What’s wrong?” I ask her. Now normally I don’t text and drive, but something seemed off about this conversation, so I continued. “Well, nothing I guess. I just thought you were home, because I heard someone go upstairs. And I heard your door close. And since Austin is at his dads, I thought it was you.” “No, but almost there.” I reply. This left me wondering, who was in my house? With my mom? Going upstairs, to MY room?
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I had just left the big bright city, and driven out into the dark country night, which…

View original post 364 more words

Apart

There is much silence

Loud, screaming silence

With no voice to rend it

To disrupt the smooth chaos

It’s too loud, too quiet

I guess I’m crazy

With all this space to speak

With no one to hear

Alone with the voices

of my mind

The fermented juices

Of bottled thoughts

Thick and viscous in my throat

Numbing as poison

As it courses though

The bloodstream, blackening

Desiccating veins, a killing frost

dark_goveness_rivers_of_grue

I cry, burning hateful tears

Humanities disguise shining through

Malevolent mask melts away

Left naked and raw

The soft underbelly of Ice exposed

Vulnerable to the slightest word

A fingers touch splitting open

as a razors edge

Just more silence

No touch of the eye

Kiss of the mind

Alien world blossoming

In midst of my own

 

Expire respire

Keep breathing

Stay strong

Lonely is not forever

 

Death Maiden

Chasing Dreams

What dream are you chasing?

 

A wide open field

Wild flowers dotting the green

Sky so blue it rivals paradise

It goes on forever

In the distance

Mountain, craggy peaks

Tipped in snow

Butterflies flutter

Bouncing off each other

In mindless glee

Wings iridescent

Gleaming in the sun’s rays

dark_governess_rivers_of_grue

What dream is chasing you?

 

A darkest shadow infested and boil

Pitch black sky looms

It is never ending

In the distance

Seven hooded figures stand

Round the skulls candle glow

Lusas naturae snigger

Invidious, insidious

Snarling in malicious glee

As the night closes in

 

Death Maiden